How to: Prepare for an Art Exhibition, make a voodoo doll out of driftwood and avoid cheek stroking

Ciao a tutti,

This week I bring to you the nail-biting tale of an artist with no art, how to make a voodoo doll out of driftwood and where to stock up on products for all your bimbo needs…

The Artless Dodger

I have done something stupid(er than usual). I have ALMOST signed up to showing my work in an “exhibition” just off Piazza Roma in Camerano’s centre. My work. What am I talking about?! I have no work! Not here at least. Scattered around Portsmouth and London, yes.  My next door neighbour is organising the exhibition – for 6 months it’ll cost 1200 Euros to hire the place. He wants to split the cost. Ha! I have only ever sold one thing! Why oh why didn’t I do some artwork last year?! This week’s blog feedback request is face-saving methods of backing out of exhibitions… A free driftwood voodoo doll to the person with the best suggestion (see below).

Anyway, Operation Produce Some Art is in full swing and is commencing with a beach scene. If it’s any good, I’ll post a picture next week. I have also become quite enamored with driftwood of late during my walks on the beach. I have quite a collection now.



I just haven’t quite got around to working out what to do with it yet! The good news is that I found some wood carving tools in my collection of art stuff today so I thought I’d give that a go. The bad news is, it’s coincided with me being in a bit of a negative mood all week…


I’ve called him “Bob” (he floats).  I’m going to take him into school and tell the children that he’ll put a curse on them if they’re annoying 🙂


I have a new private student starting next week and potentially some more lined up. I got in touch with the poor girl that used to teach English last year at my schools today. She managed two years. Two years! She should get a medal. She MISSES them she says! Having said that, I have now received two Frrero Rocher’s from cutie students and several pictures (I should probably have stored them somewhere other than the recycle bin to be kept as evidence that I’m an adorable and caring teacher).

English Language Consultancy

I’m actually doing some paid work for my language school (the one I went to for Italian lessons) – working on their new website. It’s quite fun! All being well, there should be a lot more students at the school this year so hopefully it’ll be a bit livelier! One of the students (“The Cheek Stroker”) from last year is returning for a few weeks soon. I will have to keep all my cheeks under close guard. Perhaps I can use Bob the Voodoo Doll again.

Swimming Attempt 2

Swimming Attempt 1 took place back in November last year. I went to a local pool that was deserted apart from creepy staring men so I didn’t even make it near the pool. Besides, it looked nasty. People were changing in the reception area.

Swimming Attempt 2 took place on Wednesday with a different pool in mind. However, I forgot where I was! I had planned to check the website, get the address and put it into my Sat Nav. You can’t do that in Italy!!!  The website is nice – it has nice pictures, a nice logo, it’s colourful – someone went to a lot of effort to put it together but alas, there is no information about where it can be found besides “Loreto”. The office address on there doesn’t actually exist on the Sat Nav or Google Maps. TYPICAL!!!! So, after turning up to a large house in the middle of nowhere and driving around for half an hour, I gave up and went home! I’m going to have to get my swimming fix in the summer!

University Popolare!

For a couple of months I’ve been hearing about a university that you can go to for evening courses etc. I like a good evening course. However, it’s been nigh impossible to find any information about it. The most I could get out of anyone was “yes, I’ve heard about that too”. However, I mentioned it my mother, the Queen of Research, and a mere couple of days later, voila, a website! With INFORMATION no less! The courses seem to start in September so I think I’ve missed the boat but to be honest, Operation Produce Some Art should probably take precedence for a while anyway.

What’s a bit odd?


For all your bimbo needs…

It’s right next to Ancona’s “sexy shop” as well. The shop is not sexy (I’m sure it breaches some kind of trade descriptions act).

Next week I shall be attempting to do some bureaucracy! I know, I know… you’ve missed my stories about italian bureaucracy. I aim to please. Tune in next week for what I predict will be “The Unsuccessful Quest for a Tessera Sanitaria! (health insurance card)”

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12 thoughts on “How to: Prepare for an Art Exhibition, make a voodoo doll out of driftwood and avoid cheek stroking

  1. Woot for new art!

    That’s my plan for the next month… (we need to CATCH UP). Race you?!

    • I think you’ll win!!!!!!!! But yes 🙂 how are your voodoo dolls? 😉 Anyway. I have a proposal for you! Rent some of my exhibition space with me? !?!?!?!?!?! Walter, the next door neighbour will be doing the hard work of putting it all together! Right in piazza roma. .. pleeeaaaaaasssseeeee!!!!!!!!!!!! xxx

    • Ooo and great news on your lack of teaching! I’m so envious! !! Are you back in ancona? Let’s definitely catch up soon 🙂

  2. Peter G

    That’s the scariest Bob I’ve seen since Twin Peaks.

  3. Stacey Miller

    Hi Sue, I enjoyed reading your blog. We’ve just bought a rennovated mill house on the edge of Sarnano, next to a waterfall! Any advice for me as a newcomer to the area??? It sounds like you are down on the coast. I will be coming and going a lot in general, but I can speak basic Italian (been studying the past few years). Do you know of other expats in the area? Thanks, Stacey

    • Hi Stacey, great to hear from you. I’ve not been in Sarnano yet but have seen a few houses up for sale in the area on the websites. I might investigate. How did you find yours? I’ve got a couple of ex pat friends up this way but not south le Marche. Absolutely happy to meet up if you’re ever in the Ancona area and swap stories! A good place to meet people is which has some local groups. I’ve just joined a walking group! Good for language swap buddies too. Let me know how you get on! X

      • Stacey Miller

        Hi Sue,
        Thanks for your reply and advice! We found our house in Sarnano through an American agent called Kevin – recommended to us by friends from Israel who also own a house nearby – in the town of Amandola. He has been great to work with, very professional.
        When i next get down to Ancona (possibly in July when I am coming for the entire month) I will try and contact you and maybe we can meet up for coffee.j
        If you do get up to Sarnano – let me know! – Cheers, Stacey

      • Definitely! When I start the house hunt again I might be in touch to get some details then! It’s been difficult to find an estate agent that replies 🙂 Definitely up for coffee. Keep in touch!

      • Stacey, I’m buying a house in Sarnano! I’ve just bought a house through an American guy named Kevin would you believe!!!!!!! It’s probably a bit closer to San Ginesio. It’s a completely new area for me so would be great to catch up and get some tips! Looking at enrolling in a course for September somewhere to if I can find somewhere. How weird eh?!

      • Stacey Miller

        Hey Sue, Wow, what amazing news, that is incredible – we will be almost neighbors. I say almost as I am on the other side of Sarnano. Contrada Romani , you can see it on google maps . I am so glad you used my recommendationand worked with Kevin, he is efficient and reliable. We are only moving into our house this July , I will be there for a month, my husband will only be there for two weeks as he has to go back to work . We live in Israel and now part time in Sarnano! I don’t know how much advice I can give you, because I am new there like you, more likely we will stumble through together! We arrive July 6th and I leave august 3rd, let’s try and meet up! Ciao Stacey

        Sent from my iPhone


      • Haha! This is weird. I think I saw your house from a distance! I saw another house up the road from you and an old guy who’s property it was mentioned there was an English woman who’d moved in and pointed about 300 meters down the road which I suspect might be yours! Yes I’m on the other side of Sarnano but not far away at all. We’re frustratingly leaving for the uk tomorrow and back on the 8th August. What terrible timing but it would be lovely to meet up when you’re back!

      • Stacey Miller

        Hey Sue, Ha, ha, this whole coincidence is pretty wild! Too bad we won’t connect this summer but I may be back in September, I’ll let you know. Good luck with your house, I am highly amused that all the Italians think I am English! In fact I am an American born, but have lived out of the US most of my life. No doubt my accent has confused them! Ciao, Stacey

        Sent from my iPhone


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