Monthly Archives: January 2014

The Grand Exhibition Plan, The Never-ending Cold and Top Tips for Dealing with Children

Ciao a tutti!

Buongiorno all. I hope you’re all good. In this week’s gripping update, I bring you The Grand Exhibition Plan, The Never-ending Cold and Tips for Dealing with Children’s Requests…

The Grand Exhibition Plan

This week, I have mostly been doing art, art and more art! The potential exhibition draws ever closer.  If this contract for the exhibition studio materialises then I’ve decided to give it a go. You only live once. It’ll cost €300 for 6 months but I think it’ll be open only for 3 months during summer giving me 3 months to try and at least make my money back. Quite a good little challenge really! I feel a bit like the Del Boy of the art world. My plan is as follows:

–          Exhibition Plan Part Uno – Paintings: Have a sort of “nautical” theme to my exhibition pieces. Specifically:

  • 10 paintings, primarily seascapes given that we’re by the coast here and a significant portion of the Italians seem to be obsessed with the beach and have beach houses… I’ll aim to sell them for €100 each.  To be honest, I imagine I’ll only have space for about 4 or 5 – if that, but obviously they’ll be selling like hot cakes so er…, good to have back up.  I started a painting last week – I shall finish it and post it here next week!

–          Exhibition Plan Part Due – Driftwood, Shell & Stone art:

  • 10 driftwood sculptures / pieces.
  • Stone painting (I know. It does sound odd. However, it looks like quite a quick, fun and relaxing thing to do when I’ve got a bit of time!).
  • Stuff with shells!
  • If I’m any good, take some photos of the above and get some prints made (thank you to my friend who suggested that one).
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Experimenting with shells!

–          Exhibition Plan Part Tre – Portraits: I want to use part of the exhibition space for drawing portraits. I hope it will be a good way of getting people into the exhibition so they might look around and stay in there and hopefully buy other stuff.  I’ll aim to sell a portrait for €20 each.  Specifically:

  • Get 5 or 6 really good “demonstration” portraits of famous people done in different mediums.
  • Practice, practice, practice – try and do some portrait work every day.
  • This week’s attempts below excluding one truly horrible self portrait. Let’s play “guess the person?” – submit guesses in the comments below! Free portrait for anyone that gets them all. The two men are Italian actors so folks back home, I suspect you won’t stand a chance anyway!
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Numero Uno

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Numero due. The UK people might know her…

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Numero Tre. Horrible portrait I think. Annoying because he’s quite handsome! I’ll have another go I think.

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I’ll exclude this one from the guesses – it’s a friend’s little boy!

–       Exhibition Plan Part Quattro:  Get an art website set up.

–        Exhibition Plan Part Cinque:  Get business cards printed (if not for the art, at least I can give them out to people that keep asking about English teaching!)

Selling a couple of paintings and a handful of portraits doesn’t sound that daunting eh? I wonder if I can do it?!

Other art related news

I’ve finally worked out what to do with Pinterest after having an account for a year. (For those that don’t know, Pinterest is a pinboard-style photo-sharing website). I used to trawl the net copying and pasting images into a document to use for inspiration at a later date but Pinterest is MUCH more convenient! Alas, I hadn’t amended my settings so my poor friends have been receiving what must now be hundreds of Driftwood and Stone inspiration “pins”! If you’re interested in looking at the kinds of things I’m looking at doing for the exhibition, then I suspect you can “follow” me (on Pinterest. Not literally!). Having said that, I’m still learning and haven’t worked out entirely how you would go about that but please feel free to give it a go!

I found an equivalent to B&Q! It’s called OBI. I am THRILLED. I spent ages in there this week and even better, it has ART STUFF! Woohoo! It’s the first place I’ve seen around here with canvasses and paint. Admittedly expensive canvasses and a shocking selection of paint but still, it’s a relief to know that it exists!

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OBI – Proof art supplies in Italy do actually exist

Work and The Never-Ending Cold.

I’ve been doing a fair bit of work for my language school on their website this week. My task was to just check it through to make sure the English makes sense but there is a LOT of information on it. It’s been quite fun really.  It’s paid for half my rent this month so that’s not bad going.

I have yet another cold, possibly my 89th in 6 months. I think the schools I teach at are breeding grounds for this stuff and I just haven’t built up a resiliency yet.  When my voice actually gets back to normal, people will wonder what on earth has happened – most people who know me here have only known me with a husky voice. However, I’m determined to not let it get to me and went out for a nice meal last night at a very cool restaurant in Ancona – Mangiare, Bere, Uomo, Donna.

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Mangiare, Bere, Uomo, Donna – not great for vegetarians but quite a variety of different types of food.

Return to Bureaucracy – The Case of the Tessera Sanitaria

Well, as anticipated, I did not succeed in getting a Tessera Sanitaria, the Italian health card which seems to be the equivalent of an E111 in the UK. I’ve spoken to the woman there 4 times over the months to try and get this card. It was quite a good mark of “progress” given I can vaguely understand her now whereas before she could have been speaking Chinese! Anyway, I needed to have a contract with the school to show that I’m earning and then she assures me I can get the card.  I emailed the school knowing full well there would be no chance they’d send me a contract and within an hour, they sent me a contract! Just like that! Amazing! (It’s a shame they’ve not been quite so efficient with my salary.)

Next week I’m going to Rome for a long weekend which I’m looking forward to – €18 return for what will be 7 hours of train travel. What excellent value! I think it might be cheaper than renting a house. I’m considering just living on the train.

What’s a bit odd?

Fellow elementary / junior school teachers: Is it normal for children to obsessively ask whether they can use felt-tip pens to colour stuff in?!?! Every single child will run up to me (despite my constant instructions for them to stay in their seats) and ask/shout at me about using “colori a spirito”. Sometimes I’ll be standing up at the front talking to the class and a child will come up and pull on my jumper until I stop, thinking it must be a  life or death situation, and then they ask me if it’s OK if they use a blue pen to write with.  I’ve been trying to find a satisfying way of saying “I really don’t care” in Italian but there’s nothing (not that I can use with children at least). There’s only the equivalent of “it’s not important” or “I’m not interested”. I really miss “I don’t care”. I have to make do with supplementing “it’s not important” with a mocking laugh and hand gestures!

I really miss “I can’t be bothered” as well!!!  There are lots of discussion forums on that one on the Italian Word Reference site and nothing seems to be very satisfying. If anyone knows how I can say that, I’ll be eternally grateful!

Ok, have lovely weekends and tune in next week for more info.

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How to: Prepare for an Art Exhibition, make a voodoo doll out of driftwood and avoid cheek stroking

Ciao a tutti,

This week I bring to you the nail-biting tale of an artist with no art, how to make a voodoo doll out of driftwood and where to stock up on products for all your bimbo needs…

The Artless Dodger

I have done something stupid(er than usual). I have ALMOST signed up to showing my work in an “exhibition” just off Piazza Roma in Camerano’s centre. My work. What am I talking about?! I have no work! Not here at least. Scattered around Portsmouth and London, yes.  My next door neighbour is organising the exhibition – for 6 months it’ll cost 1200 Euros to hire the place. He wants to split the cost. Ha! I have only ever sold one thing! Why oh why didn’t I do some artwork last year?! This week’s blog feedback request is face-saving methods of backing out of exhibitions… A free driftwood voodoo doll to the person with the best suggestion (see below).

Anyway, Operation Produce Some Art is in full swing and is commencing with a beach scene. If it’s any good, I’ll post a picture next week. I have also become quite enamored with driftwood of late during my walks on the beach. I have quite a collection now.

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Pretty….

I just haven’t quite got around to working out what to do with it yet! The good news is that I found some wood carving tools in my collection of art stuff today so I thought I’d give that a go. The bad news is, it’s coincided with me being in a bit of a negative mood all week…

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I’ve called him “Bob” (he floats).  I’m going to take him into school and tell the children that he’ll put a curse on them if they’re annoying 🙂

Teaching

I have a new private student starting next week and potentially some more lined up. I got in touch with the poor girl that used to teach English last year at my schools today. She managed two years. Two years! She should get a medal. She MISSES them she says! Having said that, I have now received two Frrero Rocher’s from cutie students and several pictures (I should probably have stored them somewhere other than the recycle bin to be kept as evidence that I’m an adorable and caring teacher).

English Language Consultancy

I’m actually doing some paid work for my language school (the one I went to for Italian lessons) – working on their new website. It’s quite fun! All being well, there should be a lot more students at the school this year so hopefully it’ll be a bit livelier! One of the students (“The Cheek Stroker”) from last year is returning for a few weeks soon. I will have to keep all my cheeks under close guard. Perhaps I can use Bob the Voodoo Doll again.

Swimming Attempt 2

Swimming Attempt 1 took place back in November last year. I went to a local pool that was deserted apart from creepy staring men so I didn’t even make it near the pool. Besides, it looked nasty. People were changing in the reception area.

Swimming Attempt 2 took place on Wednesday with a different pool in mind. However, I forgot where I was! I had planned to check the website, get the address and put it into my Sat Nav. You can’t do that in Italy!!!  The website is nice – it has nice pictures, a nice logo, it’s colourful – someone went to a lot of effort to put it together but alas, there is no information about where it can be found besides “Loreto”. The office address on there doesn’t actually exist on the Sat Nav or Google Maps. TYPICAL!!!! So, after turning up to a large house in the middle of nowhere and driving around for half an hour, I gave up and went home! I’m going to have to get my swimming fix in the summer!

University Popolare!

For a couple of months I’ve been hearing about a university that you can go to for evening courses etc. I like a good evening course. However, it’s been nigh impossible to find any information about it. The most I could get out of anyone was “yes, I’ve heard about that too”. However, I mentioned it my mother, the Queen of Research, and a mere couple of days later, voila, a website! With INFORMATION no less! The courses seem to start in September so I think I’ve missed the boat but to be honest, Operation Produce Some Art should probably take precedence for a while anyway.

What’s a bit odd?

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For all your bimbo needs…

It’s right next to Ancona’s “sexy shop” as well. The shop is not sexy (I’m sure it breaches some kind of trade descriptions act).

Next week I shall be attempting to do some bureaucracy! I know, I know… you’ve missed my stories about italian bureaucracy. I aim to please. Tune in next week for what I predict will be “The Unsuccessful Quest for a Tessera Sanitaria! (health insurance card)”

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Terrible weather, Fake Bank Cards and How to Make Rocket Fuel…

Ciao!

Buon anno nuovo a tutti 🙂  I hope everyone has had fabulous breaks over the Christmas period. This week, I bring you a moving account of the horrible winter weather here in Italy, a three step guide to banking in Italy and how to make Rocket Fuel in 60 days.

Ghastly Weather

I came back to Italy on Monday and apart from Italy being inextricably linked to teaching, it’s nice to be back 🙂 Those in my home country will know that it’s been horrible weather with storms galore and countless floods and well, it’s been horrid here too…

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Just look at that looming grey, threatening and stormy looking sky…

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And those rough, treacherous seas… Just awful. (Hmm, I bet I’ve just cursed Italy with hurricanes now).

The highs and lows of banking in Italia

I have prepared this three step guide for banking in Italy.

1. Get an Italian Bank Account

I have managed to get an Italian Bank Account! You have to PAY for the honour of having a bank account here in Italy. I pay 6 Euros a month. It galls me. I hadn’t bothered with one here before out of principle (instead very wisely deciding to pay 6 Euros and then some every time I used my English bank card).  With the teaching job, I needed to bite the bullet and get an account set up here.  I’m pleased, and quite frankly astounded to report that it’s very easy to do – you need your codice fiscale (like a National Insurance number if you’re in the UK) and some ID and that’s it. In return, you get so much bank related documentation that it could give the book of Lord of the Rings a run for its money. No wonder they charge so much for the account. It’ll take them years to recuperate the costs.

2. Acquire money

My teaching job has PAID me! I am IMMENSELY relieved. With all the money I’ve got from the ENDLESS hours I’ve been teaching and associated planning activities, I’ll be able to buy almost two cinema tickets! I’m being sarcastic of course.

I could probably buy three.

3. Manage your expectations

In summary, I now have a bank account with money in it. “GREAT! I can buy things” I thought! But I reckon they’ve given me a fake bank card. It isn’t Visa or Mastercard or any of the other weird ones that I have at least heard of before. So whereas I can get money out at ATMs (only those dealing with these Fake Cards mind – otherwise I’m charged), and pay for stuff at the local supermarket (they must have some sort of personal agreement with my bank), I cannot do online shopping because at the point where you select “Visa”, “Mastercard” etc., there is no “My card appears to be fake” option.  Some companies, for example, Trenitalia, seem to recognise the Fake Card but dress it up attractively as “book now, pay later”. EXCELLENT! “Perhaps there are advantages to Fake Cards after all” I thought. Aha! No. What they mean is “book now and spend 3 hours faffing around the next day” as it emerges you have to confirm it at a train station almost immediately. What a handy bank card.

Rocket Fuel

I know that you’re all dying to hear how the corbezzoli liquor worked out…… and let me tell you! It is a delicate little number with hints of alcohol hand gel and petrol. However, I’m sure it’ll serve a purpose <considers putting it in a hip flask to help maintain a cheery disposition at school. If there’s enough left, I might have some myself>.

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I should probably put some sort of warning label on it.

OK, over and out for this week. I’m devising a plan cosi astuto che posso attaccarci una coda e chiamarlo ermellino for the blog (a plan so cunning that I could stick a tail on it and call it a weasel. I’m relieved I know how to say that Blackadder phrase in Italian now). I shall keep you posted.

xxx

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